Ah, good ol’ self-loathing.

But it isn’t really self-loathing. It’s the loathing of everything, me included.

Especially you?

And you – I hate you, too.

Well, I hate you, too.

 

A simple life, that’s what I’d like. Simplicity.

But we’re too complicated to be simple. Too … twisted.

Brain damage, that’s the answer.

Brain undamage,  you mean. Maybe some … trepanning.

 

Is there a good reason not to drink? Is there a good reason not to start drinking now? Is there a good reason not to drink ourselves to death?

 

This is a way to muffle the mind. To stop the thoughts. To turn them into void thoughts. Into thoughts the void would think.

Oh, not the void. Don’t talk about the void. He always talks about the void when he drinks.

Because drinking is the path to the fucking void.

 

Drinking. That’s when you come closest to the void. When you stop struggling. Stop thrashing about. Stop resisting. And you can let the void carry you away.

Is that what you want?

 

I want to drink myself into the void. I want to think the void’s drunken thoughts. I want to speak fluent void.

 

We’ve gone very far up this road.

Too far?

See we can only hang out with people exactly like us. Which would be a problem if we didn’t have each other.

We bring it out in each other.

We recognise it in each other. We’re fellow nihilists. Fellow hollowed out. Fellow knowers of the void. Fellow void lovers.

Is that what we are: void lovers?

 

The void: that’s what we’re drinking towards. That’s where we’re heading. At full fucking speed.

 

Accelerating into NOWHERE.

I like nowhere. I want to be nowhere.

 

This is like anti-meditation. When you let the void think in you. What’s it thinking about?

Itself. It’s just … pulsing.

Does it ever say anything?

What should it say?

Pulsing. That’s what it does. It just pulses. Like a giant heart.

An anti-heart.

 

No more words. I just want some oblivion. I want to shut down the dome. I want to close things down. I don’t want to THINK anymore.

 

Want to slip off into a coma. Into the blackness. Just go somewhere better. 

 

To welcome death. To know death as a relief. The ease of dying – would you know that – in your last nanoseconds.