Free Fall

Drinking.

The world is disgusting, we know that. But today, it’s more than usually disgusting …

We’re here to bring ourselves back from the dead … Here to bring ourselves back from the brink or take ourselves to the brink, one of the two.

Drink is the answer, we agree. Or is it the question? Or is drink the question and the answer – both at once?

Don’t try and be clever.

Agreement: the disaster’s deepening. Let’s drink to forget that!

Agreement: there’s nothing in our lives. Let’s drink to forget that, too!

Drinking to forget. What we learnt today. Our defeats today. How we fucked up again today. How we screwed our lives up today.

Drinking for oblivion. To forget our mistakes! Our blunderings! Drinking to forget the whole Organisation Management thing! The whole teaching business ethics thing!

But we drink to discover, too. There’s an opening that we have to refind, drunkenly … gropingly. A sense of the possible. A sense of youth: that we can recover our youths. That we can return to youth again.

We want to be innocent again – drunkenly innocent. We want to be young again, for a night. We want to lift our heads, for a night. We want to look up into the sky, for the night. Upwards! At the sky, rushing. At the clouds rushing through the night.

Ours is a drinking search. A search through drinking. That needs drinking. Ours is a quest that begins with drinking, and perhaps ends with it, too. Whose means are drinking …

We’re looking for disorientation in thought. For confusion in thought. Error is necessary. Wanderings off the path – far from the path. Staggerings. Stumblings.

Free fall’s necessary. To fall, fall through the night. Falling, but dreaming of an end to our falling. For something we could be smashed against. For our destruction to coincide with our salvation: one and the same.

If only we could coincide with ourselves – in death. Be present to ourselves – in death. Now – we’d say to ourselves, and be dead. Here – we’d say to ourselves, at the moment of our deaths.

But for now: falling. Through all the time there is. And isn’t that why we drink: to accelerate the fall? To feel time whistling by our ears …