Sexual Life

What was it like the first time you did it? Share your memories, philosopher.

I’m not saying a thing.

Really? Not a thing? It would help me feel close to you. And you want me to feel close to you, don’t you? Didn’t it go well? Didn’t you perform? Is that the trouble?

Not saying.

I lost it at uni. To some poor fool. Some fumbler. I felt I was dissociating. I felt I was miles away and that it was being done to me. Very common experience.  It wasn’t a trauma, or anything. It didn’t fuck me up.

 

What’s your sexual life been like, philosopher? A lot of masturbation, I imagine. You’re essentially a masturbator: I can see that.

 

How many relationships have you actually had? I want numbers. How many lovers have you had? One night stands? Aren’t you going to tell me?

One night stands are nihilism.

I’ll bet you think relationships are nihilism. Well, aren’t they? They probably get in the way of your work. And I’m sure your work is tremendously important to you.

 

You’re a man like anyone else. You have needs, like anyone else.

I’ll bet you’d see prostitutes, if you could afford them. I’ll bet you’d go for the girlfriend experience if you could pay for it n an academic salary. Well, wouldn’t you? Someone to be nice to you. To say all kinds of nice things. Would that be what you want?

 

Would you pay for this? Wouldn’t that make it simpler? Make it all a transaction? What would you pay for? What would you like done to you? What services? What do you want? I just want to find out what you want. Don’t you like me being sexual?

 

So you’re some sexual fuck up. And you retreated to the study because you’re a sexual fuck up. And you turned to philosophy because you’re a sexual fuck up. That’s what I believe. Or did philosophy make you a sexual fuck up? Hmm.

 

I’m trying to work out how to be with you – don’t you see? I want to know who am I for you. What I mean to you – if I mean anything. I feel I’m making all the effort. Or at least, I’m doing all the talking. Why don’t you talk about something? I’d listen. I’m all up for listening.

 

I’d like to know your entire sexual history.

When it began, who with, and what happened after. Were you ever with a man? It might suit you, being with a man. Would you prefer it? Ever tempted? I’ve been with a woman.

Of course you have. On your bucket list, was it? Losing your gay virginity?