Hypnotised by our failings. Mesmerised by our inadequacies. Amazed – still amazed – that we’d got nowhere. Only now is it hitting us. Only now are we really experiencing it, since it was hidden for so long.
Only now do have the time, the space, to assess our situation. To look back down our path. To survey the route from whence we came. To take a breather! To pause and take note!
Only now can we really see it, now we have jobs. Now that we have a steady income. Now that we have fixed term contracts. Now uncertainty is held at bay.
Only now can we see what’s been made of us! What we made of ourselves! How we’ve been shaped and have shaped ourselves.
Only now can we make the grim assessment. Can we really see what’s happened, what’s been happening. What we’ve made of ourselves. My God!
Only now do we have the opportunity … scarcely an opportunity. Only now can we be made to face it. Because we have no excuses anymore! We can’t say, it’s because I want a job because we want to go somewhere! Because I’m trying to publish! Because I’m busy with other things!
Only now that we have a job! Only now that we have somewhere to live! That we make a living! Now that we can cover our debts!
Now we have time for rest and recuperation. Now that we have kind of furlough. Shore leave. We can participate in normal society Pay taxes for the first time. Pay or rent for the first time. Not live on benefits.
Now that we’re no longer regulars at the Job Seeker’s office. Now that we no longer have to queue up to sign on. Now that we’ve emerged into the world. Now that we’re no longer nymphs, no longer larvae. Now we can look at ourselves in the mirror Now we can see ourselves as what we are.
And what do we see? Desperate ones … Stupid ones … And not in a good way. Twisted ones …
The question is what we do with this twistedness? What, with our fucked-up-ness? Where’s it going to take us? Where will it lead us?
Work in Progress 