Yes, philosophy went wrong inside us. Yes, philosophy, passing through us, was sent off course – infinitely off course. Yes, philosophy is no longer doing what it should do, functioning as it ought.
It stops sending signals back to base. Like those Voyager space probes, lost in the Oort Cloud. In the outer darkness.
Philosophy’s gone strange. It’s given itself over to strange purposes. Uses. There have been … mutations. Perversions. In us! Through us! We’ve made it weird, and not in a good way. We’ve deranged it. Send it mad.
Philosophy’s drunk – we got it drunk.
What we’ve done in the name of philosophy! The crimes we’re committing in the name of philosophy! What we teach, in the name of philosophy!
We’ve bent and buckled philosophy. We’ve kicked philosophy around. We’ve beaten philosophy – beaten it daily.
Who left it to us? Who entrusted it to us? There’s no one to keep an eye on us. No regulatory board.
The fact that there are no other philosophy departments in the city. And very few in the northeast!
Sure, there are Research Assessment Exercises. But they come once every seven years. But we’re not regarded as research active. And there are teaching inspections – internal ones. Where they get together a bunch of academic staff – non philosophers to assess philosophy. But would they know?
We’re allowed to do what we like, so long as we meet our module aims and objectives. So long as out forms are in order. Our online documentation. Do we know what we’ve done? Not really.
We should be hanged for philosophical crimes! Philosophy itself was handed over to us, and what did we make of it? What have we done?
Unless philosophy wanted this. Unless philosophy had to pass through a period of profound occultation. Of a kind of eclipse.
Unless philosophy needed the moon of our stupidity to block out its sun. Unless philosophy allowed itself to fall into darkness. To forget itself. Its very name.
Philosophical studies – that’s what our unit is called. Not Philosophy. They wouldn’t let us have that name: Philosophy. Philosophical Studies. What a watering down. What a compromise.
But they were right, perhaps not to entrust us with the name, Philosophy. Not to call ourselves a Philosophy unit. Philosophical Studies … but even that is too much.
To call ourselves philosophical: doesn’t that go too far? They gave us philosophy. Philosophy was entrusted to us. And what did we do with it? As to village idiots.
The dressing-up box of philosophy. All the outfits of philosophy. That we could try on. And prance about in. And dance about in. And take ourselves to be real philosophers. And real thinkers.
My God! Philosophical Studies! Why pretend! But we pretended. We pass ourselves off as philosophers. We dare to present ourselves as philosophers. At open days. At visit days. At graduation. Shaking the hands of graduates and their parents.
Philosophers! As though the students have actually got degrees in philosophy. As if we actually taught them philosophy. As if we were the conduits of Philosophy itself. At a Russell Group university, no less.
What reputational damage! What vandalism! That we were allowed to ride free under the banner of philosophy! That we were allowed to advertise ourselves as legitimate philosophers! In a legitimate philosophy department!
Philosophers: Heidegger, Adorno. Not us. Hannah Arendt, not us. Michelle LeDoeuff, not us. What have we ever thought? What, done? Apes and imitators. Fools and parodists. Caperers. Dancers.
Work in Progress 