Thirty-Somethings

*We’re thirty-somethings. We’re moving into the really boring phase of life. We’re in the coupling phase. We’re in the settling down phase. We’re in the dinner party phase. We’re in the thinking-about-reproduction phase. That’s what awaits us.

Fuck …

We’re in the not-working-so-hard phase. We’re in compromising-on-our-philosophical-dreams phase. We’re in the never-going-to-write-a-masterpiece phase.

Did you actually think you were going to write a masterpiece?

I didn’t think it was impossible …

What about now?

Now …

When did you find out that your hopeless dreams of masterpiece were just hopeless dreams?

I don’t know … just, life …

Did you give it all up, but slowly, without even noticing it?

Yeah, maybe.

Face it: we’re not going to make it. We’re not going to rise above mediocrity. We have to accept our mediocre fate. That we’re only going to deepen our mediocrity. That we’ll only ever explore the, like, byways of our mediocrity. We’ll only never be lost in our mediocrity.

Is that the worse thing there could be: our mediocrity?

Yes.

Reality. That’s what we’ll see. Who we actually are. See, philosophy always indulges you because you think you could be a late developer. Our thirties are when we accept that we’re not actually late developers. That we’re not going to be anything. But the full disappointment doesn’t kick in until your forties. That’s when you have a midlife crisis.

So what, we buy a motorbike or something? Have affairs?

God, we’re not even married yet. We don’t actually have families.

We need something. Because when we finally realise how mediocre we are …

We should have hobbies. We should do things outside of philosophy. We should cultivate interests. What we interested in?

Philosophy.

Stop it.

We need to ground ourselves. Walk on the earth like everyone else. Or didn’t you think you were like everyone else.

Do we really have to lose our faith? Accept who it is we are … or aren’t? It fucking … sucks …

It took so many years to get where we are. It was so hard.

And where are we? Here. Being tossers.