Cicero’s Hot Right Wing Girlfriend. Herwig for short.
What was her real name?
Pandora, I think … Or Petronella. Something posh.
She used to call us libtards. Like, she had open contempt for us.
So did Cicero, quite often. Cicero was nothing if not insulting.
Herwig, though. Her contempt was hot. She was hot.
Which was why Cicero was with her.
The only right wing humanities academic, imagine that … And Cicero found her … Cicero sniffed her out …
I actually loved the way Herwig hated us.
Masochist.
Every masochist finds a sadist.
And in particular, a hot right wing sadist.
Did you ever hear Herwig talk about free markets? And free speech? Did you ever hear her talk about Austrian economics? And the US constitution?
Flaming fucking hot.
And totally forbidden. The stuff she said … The total opposite to everything you learn in the humanities. To everything you’d read in the Guardian.
What’s happened to Herwig? I’d like to inherit Herwig.
We need to find her. We need to go on a Herwig pilgrimage.
Shouting HERWIG! HERWIG!
No answer.
You know Cicero. She could flip from extreme left to extreme right at the drop of a hat. One minute, she’d been encouraging us to form some Weatherman-like terror group.
Which I was supposed to lead …
And the next, it was all about arming ourselves. About how the government should be scared of the people. Not the other way round.
And she refused EDI training, do you remember?
They made her go.
And the trainer resigned with nervous exhaustion.
And she campaigned against the UN flags they were flying on campus. She wrote that open letter …
And then there was Herwig.
Oh, Herwig. The ultimate hot right wing girlfriend.
Herwig used to ride to hounds with some Durham hunt, according to Cicero.
Looked great in jodhpurs.
And Herwig was apparently obsessed with Jouvenel. Which meant Cicero became obsessed with him, too. And Schmitt. They used to quote Schmitt to each other all the time, very pleased with themselves. Schmitt was the philosopher of our times, Herwig said, and Cicero agreed with her.
Cicero threatened to get a Schmitt tattoo.
Herwig had that dominatrix thing going on, didn’t she? God, the right are hot.
Trust Cicero to find the last rightwing academic.
Work in Progress 