We don’t belong in these … bodies. We don’t belong in these lives. These are the wrong lives, don’t you see? This whole world is wrong. I sense it. I know it. It’s… poisoned. Who did this to us? Who was it? Who could be so cruel? And why – why did they do it? What do they want from us? What do they want to extract from us? What do they want to harvest? Or do they just want us dead?
It's like I’ve had some … brain damage. Like there’s something wrong with my head. Is there something wrong with my head, philosopher? Am I sane? Am I … healthy?
What went wrong? Is there a name for this? What can it be called: my condition? Imagine: I have a condition.
Am I just bored? Did I get so bored with my life that I went mad? What does that say about me, that I could be so easily bored? What did I expect that was so wonderful, so exhilarating?
I feel guilty. I’m spoilt – just spoilt. Did my mum ever feel like this? Did she ever indulge her feelings like this? But they’re not my feelings, philosopher. It’s not actually about me.
The state of the world. The state of things. Of the whole Creation. That’s what this is about. That’s what I tell myself. I must be extra sensitive to feel these things. I must be a real … tuning fork to pick up these … vibrations.
At least you can listen to me, philosopher. At least I have company in this. My monologues … Do you object to my monologues. I’m object to them. I’ve become far too … self-indulgent. Listen to me! I’ve become far too philosophical.
Philosophy loves company – is that right? Are there friends … philosophical friends?
The word, philosophy, means friends of wisdom.
Am I a friend of wisdom, I wonder? Is wisdom friends with me? Madness, maybe. Lostness, maybe. I’m a friend of lostness.
Aren’t you supposed to be courting me? Showing me what you can do? Your philosophical plumage, or whatever … I want a display, philosopher. I want to see what’s so great about you.
There’s nothing great about me.
I want to see what’s exceptional.
There’s nothing exceptional about me.
I want to see your failure, then. How you’ve fucked up. You are at least a failure, aren’t you?
I am a failure.
If you’re really good at something, women will come to you. All you have to be is good at something. That’s what they say, isn’t it? So there must be philosophy groupies. Someone, somewhere must be impressed.
What’s in your head, philosopher? What are you thinking? I don’t think you’re thinking anything at all. I think you’re just being vague … and withdrawn. I think you live in a kind of fog. And sometimes you come out of your fog – I like that. But mostly you’re just … lost.
Why aren’t you here, philosopher? Why can’t you be with me? What are you gazing at, that’s so far away? What’s happened to your … attention? You only like remote things. Nothing close. Nothing real, though I doubt that I’m real. Nothing living.
At least join me here. At least be with me, so I don’t have to suffer alone. Because I really am suffering, philosophy. Or at least I think I am. Ever since the beginning of our … affair. Even since, I’ve … suffered. Can it even be called suffering? I’m at sea. I’ve lost my equilibrium. Things are not where they should be. And you’re no help.
Don’t you feel it, too? Don’t you feel lost? Won’t you be lost with me? Emerge. Come out of your trance. I’m calling you. Say a few things. Say a few profound things. They don’t have to be your own words. You can quote, philosopher. You must know a few quotations.
It’s as if the world’s already ended. And perhaps it has. It’s like there’s no more world. And that time is no more, either. But here we are, outside the world and outside time.
I don’t know why I come here. The intrigue, I suppose. The excitement. Excitement! As if this was exciting. We’re an art house film all of our own. We’re speaking like the people in art house films. Not like real life people.
We’re floating. Everything’s afloat. We live in a floating world, where nothing’s real. Not even you and not even me. But people know that people have been saying that since the year dot. The whole veil of Maya thing.
We don’t have ordinary concerns. Real life concerns. We’ve been freed from real life concerns, for the moment at least. Before the crash comes – the great financial crash. And the one after that. Before the world ends …
We have time, philosopher. But what are we going to do with our time?
We could say profound things, I think. We could wonder into some grove of profundity, where everything we said was just immeasurably deep. We could enter the zone of saying profound things. I believe that’s possible.
We could say timeless, profound things.
We could be raised into the realm of profundity – just like that. Or I could. You’re probably already profound. Suddenly, we could find ourselves saying profound things. Summing it all up. Everything we feel. All our grand feelings. Which, no doubt, people have had before. There are probably whole books of profound feelings on your bookshelves.
Maybe I’m the only one who should talk today. Maybe it’s my turn – and only my turn. I’m going to say what I have to say and only I can say. I’m going to have the last word – the eternal last word.
This day will last forever. And what I have to say … the same. What I have to say. What saying says in me. What it says, philosopher. What is this it? What is it that speaks, if not me? What stands at its origin? But perhaps no one stands there. Perhaps it’s just … language. Pouring out of itself. Issuing from itself.
This day will never end. Not this day. We’re in a …. Loop of time. Time – this time – has broken off from time. It’s an ox-bow lake of time, separate from the main river.
We’ve been given this time. This irrelevant time. This leading nowhere time. In order to – what? In order to take us – where? In order to be delivered – to what?
To be overtaken. Possessed, even. Did I want an adventure, philosopher? Is that why I picked you out? Was I so greedy for an adventure? For a philosophy experience. What I wanted. What I was looking for. I can hardly remember. And instead. I’m here. I’m trapped, in a way. In a kind of Limbo. Your flat.
Becalmed, that’s what we are. There’s no wind to … catch our sails. To blow us anywhere. We’re just here. Here with time, with open time. With space.
The coast. I know why you chose to live here. I feel the attraction. The open skies, the open sea. You can … forget yourself. And it’s good to forget yourself.
I’m never going to be able to finish what I’ve begun. I’m never going to be able to stop saying it.
You can write this down, if you like. You can put these words in your book. To close your book. I don’t mind. You can have them.
I can just … saying these things. I’m saying them now. I don’t know how. I’m simply … able to speak. I’ve been given an … ability. I’ve been inspired, or whatever. Speaking like this has become easy for me. I didn’t know how, or why. Maybe I should write them down, these words. Maybe I should write a treatise.
Work in Progress 