There was an attitude she admired. A stance. Towards everything. Towards Life. Towards ourselves. Towards what we are and were.
We lived in tension with it, the world. We lived against it. We lived in opposition.
We were Sick, but so sick we were well.
This is what we’ve been prepared for. Trained for.
By Livia? Trained?
All along, she was steering us. Taking us in a certain direction. It’s like Karate Kid, or something.
She was trying to fish something out of us. To draw out something deep. To make us …
Make us what?
She saw a potential.
Fuck it, she just wanted to screw with us.
She wanted to turn us into something. Make us better.
Better what – fuck ups?
She wanted to use our fucked upness. Our maladjustment. We were trainable. And our drunkenness.
Sure – our drunkenness.
Our incipient alcoholism. There was a sweet spot between tipsiness and black out. If she could just keep us there …
This is what we’re ready for. We’ve been aimed in this direction. We’ve been prepared for this. Our instincts should kick in.
When? What instincts?
The Gnostics. Is that a good name for a book?
Call it The Idiots.
There’s a Von Trier film called that.
Call it Leviathan. Because that’s what all this is about.
Work in Progress 