Underground Wine

Does wine taste any better underground? Does it make more sense underground?

No – it’s still punishment wine. It’s still gut rot wine. No better than some street alkie would drink.

Everything in my body, everything in my taste buds. Everything in my brain is saying, don’t drink this.

Nothing’s changed, then.

It’s a response of the most primitive parts of the brain. The hypo … thalamus. The amygdala … The whole limbic system. It’s phylogenetically ancient. The stuff that evolved long before the cerebral cortex.

So?

I’ve been doing research. Disgust slows the heartbeat – did you know that? Drops the blood pressure. Decreases the pulse!

So it’s good for you?

It’s because of the way we linger, fascinated, over the disgusting thing.

We’re hardly lingering over this wine. It’s chug-a-lug. Get it down as quickly as possible.

But we’re talking about it, aren’t we?

What else is there to talk about?

At least we’re disgusted – think about that. At least we feel disgust. At least we’re appalled. We’re not just numbed … Because that’s what everyone else is: numbed. Anaesthetised.

Anyone would find this wine disgusting!

But they wouldn’t keep drinking it, would they?

I think there’s such a thing as a vigilance of disgust. Of being shown something by it. Disgust is a state of emergency. Of the body. Of the soul. We’re disgusted, therefore …

Therefore, what?

It’s ontological. It’s ontological disgust. It’s absolute disgust. A revulsion at being itself.

Very grand.

It seems especially potent down here. Maybe it’s the depth that we’re at.

The paragraduates were supposed to make wine down here – that’s what I heard. Black wine – it’s part of their ritual. Buried in barrels in the deep, dark Newcastle soil. From the deep Newcastle terroir.

Newcastle black, they call it. A cousin on Newcastle brown. It has that same malty flavour. It has a caramel sweetness and chocolate thing. A bit nutty … With a hopsy flavour cutting through the sweetness … And they serve it in earthenware cups made from Newcastle boulder clay. It’s part of their ceremonies.

What ceremonies? What paragraduates?

It turns your eyes black. Which accounts for the black-in-black of the paragraduate’s eyes. It makes the paragraduates look like they’re not focused on you. That they’re looking into the far distance.

Fuck off with your paragraduates.