Are you going to fuck me? What are you waiting for – the revolution?
I want to be touched. I want something to reach me. Something I actually feel. It isn’t too much to ask, is it?
How long do we stay infatuated? How long does it last? Sex isn’t comic.
Bed is a very serious place. We can’t be laughing, philosopher.
I want you to watch me.
That was epic.
Did you come? Are you too mournful to come?
You’re totally self-reliant, with your masturbation. You don’t actually need me. Is it better with me or alone?
Would you prefer I wasn’t here? Am I getting in the way of your masturbation?
That’s how you’ll spend your life: as a masturbator. Self reliant, with your books, your music, with your Blu-rays. Above the fucking world.
I could have picked a better sex toy, couldn’t I? I could have picked someone who could get it up.
There are various positions I like, philosopher. That you’re incapable of. Maybe I’d like to fuck in the shower, did you ever think of that?
See, I can say the word fuck. There aren’t many women who can say the word, fuck. But they’re the same kind of women who are sexually demanding.
Oh come now, I didn’t mean to humiliate you. I didn’t mean to insult your virility. Or maybe I did …
A guy should be able to take you without a word.
‘Take you’.
Let’s go back to the day when sex was invented.
How shall we do it now? What page of the Kama Sutra have we reached? I’m joking. Don’t you think we should do it more interestingly?
Look at me – I’m blushing. That’s an orgasm glow.
You’re not very virile. The levers and cogs of your body don’t work properly, which is unfortunate.
I was never into casual sex. Too disturbing.
So you’re not sex positive.
I’m sex negative.
You surprise me.
What if I did some dance for you? If I went all … sexy … or is that too sleazy for you? What if I gave you some love-bites? What then?
Then, nothing.
What If you gave me some? What would happen then? Our secret would be out. God, how disgusting we are.
There’s nothing to say about sex. Nothing that doesn’t sound stupid, anyway.
So sound stupid.
I don’t see why we have to talk about it. Why can’t we just do it? There is no philosophy in the bedroom.
That’s where you’re wrong.
What’s the next twist in our sordid little world? What’s going to happen next? What are we going to make happen?
If we followed desire right to the end, what would we find?
Death, probably.
You would say that, death-boy.
My husband used to fuck me in the shower. In our early years. Sing it to the tune of that Barbara Streisand song: You don’t fuck me in the shower … anymore.
Maybe I’d like to fuck in the shower. I’d like to fuck in the shower, please. Please, philosopher – fuck me in the shower.
I was quiet for a while … did you like that? I didn’t say anything while we were … Fucking … yes, fucking. That word: fucking. I don’t mind that word, fucking.
Can’t you just enjoy it?
You’re supposed to be the philosophical one. You’re supposed to be the one who over-thinks … Do philosophers philosophise about sex? What do they have to say about sex?
I’ll bet you want an apocalyptic fuck. A fuck at the end of time.
The last fuck in the universe. The last fuck that anyone will have, ever again.
Work in Progress 