Episode

Where’s philosophy going to take you? Are you going to spend your whole life this? You are, aren’t you? You’re going to live your life up here, working, not working, and be grateful for it. You’ll read and write your whole life away. That’s not so bad, I suppose.


Do you want to settle down? Maybe you’ll have another affair, like this one. Or you’ll meet some admiring PhD student at some conference. And she’ll come up and summer with you, or whatever. That wouldn’t be bad, would it? A nice interlude, right? An episode …  

And she’d be someone who’d have half an idea of what you’re trying to do – philosophically, I mean. And what these books are all about. She’d be part of the philosophy scene … She’d look up to you. Admire you. Think you were the bee’s knees.

You could give her advice. Help her with her dissertation. Dictate parts of it to her. And she’d think you were quite the philosopher. That you Knew Stuff. That you were pretty cool, in general. You wouldn’t be just anyone. Some … senior lecturer with a job at a decent university. Not just anywhere. Russell Group, and all that …

And you could tell her things as you lay in bed. About Rilke and stuff. Which she’d appreciate, unlike me.

And she’d teach you something of life. You need to learn about life, philosopher. You’d teach her about philosophy, and she’d teach you about life. A fair trade. And then after the summer she’d – pouf – disappear. Go back to her life. Leaving you to your studies. Wouldn’t that be perfect?


You don’t want a relationship, philosopher. You want … longing. To intensify your longing. You want … to be alone, corresponding with someone you’ve never actually met, like Rilke.


Are you going to spend your entire life in a room like this? Is this going to be it, for you?


What are your fears? Your goals? What are your hopes and dreams, philosopher? Your non-philosophical hopes and dreams … do you have those? Or has philosophy sucked them all up?


If I was the jealous type, I’d be ever so jealous of philosophy. Philosophy has absorbed everything you are. What’s left for me?