This will only last for a while – that’s what I tell myself. And then we won’t know each other.

Oh, don’t say that.

It will last for a while and burn itself out, and then you’ll forget me, and I’ll forget you.

 

We’ve made this place for ourselves. This pit …

 

Just the two of us. Negating the world together. Negating each other …

 

The middle class are shrinking. Everyone knows that. We’re an endangered species. We have to shore ourselves up.

 

You talk an awful lot about the hatred of the world. But I really feel it. I really hate it. This world. This fucking world. Full of people like me. Shameless, disgusting people …

 

We should have a child. You should give me one. Do you think you could? … You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like to be efficacious. You’d like to change things in the world … To make your mark. Purely negatively. Purely destructively.

 

I think we should commit a double suicide. That where the logic leads. I always wanted to die spectacularly. As a kind of fuck you to everyone. To show I was altogether deeper than they take you for. Or at least madder.

God, it’s all so … heterosexual.

Are we not allowed to be heterosexual now?

We’re depraved, aren’t we? We’re depraved and we love our depravity. It’s what gives us the feeling of being alive. But we’re not actually alive.

 

I’m addicted to you … which is something. Which gives life a little meaning …

 

How can I do this to my husband?: that’s what you’re thinking. But I like doing this to my husband. I feels right to be doing this to my husband.

My husband …

Why do you never call him by name?

Because he’s anonymous. Because he’s a force. Because he’s a collection of husband drives. (Laughter.)

 

Isn’t your husband about seventy?

But I need him – he-s – my – rock. He allows me to be who I am. My material support. My bringer of comforts. We have to live don’t you know. We have to have our houses. Our summer hols. And I have all that – through him.

We have shared friends. People we see. I told them all about you. They’re very intrigued. I said you were gay – I hope you don’t mind. Actually, I didn’t say you were gay, I just let them draw their own conclusions. Which were that you were gay. Which you might as well be. From their perspective. See you wouldn’t be normal, in my world. My business studies world.

 

I’ve actually been thinking about you all day. I’ve been thinking about your … fucking … cock …  You’d better be fucking hard.

 

Look at me – I’m blushing.

That’s an orgasm glow.

Do you think your husband will notice?

 

I want to get fucked. That’s what I’m here for. Know your place, fuck boy.