Work in Progress

Maybe it’s about living against the world, I say. Living against it whilst living in it.

Sounds tiring, Paula says.

Gnosticism, it’s called, I say. Accepting it’s all … meaningless but making meaning out of that meaninglessness.

That’s a very clever conjuring trick, Uma says. Making something from nothing.

Even if you think the world’s inherently meaningless, you still have to live in it, I say. That’s the point. Even if you’re living against it.

How can you live against the world? Uma asks. You’re in it.

In it, but not of it – and that’s the point, I say. That’s meaning.

If you’re so Gnostic, and you’re living so utterly against the world, then you’ll  have to make something from your move to Organisational Management, Uma says. See it as an opportunity.

Do you know what you’ve done by bringing Philosophy into Organisational Management? I ask. It’s like when you allow vampires to cross the threshold.

Do you think we’re afraid of you? Uma asks. What can you do?

Pump you full of nihilism, I say. It’s in our bite … Our nihilism bite.

It’s the whole veil of Maya thing. Very Hindu … Do you know about Indian thought, philosopher? Tat tvam asi, and all that. That you are. Or thou art that.

You studied Sanskrit? I ask. No … I just remember that phrase, Uma says. My dad taught it to me.

I don’t even know whether I’m suffering, Uma says. I don’t even know who’s suffering. I don’t know whether there’s anyone here.


And I would say, Help me, but you probably can’t, Uma says. For all your … philosophy.

Something’s wrong, Uma says. No – everything’s wrong. It’s all wrong. And part of its wrongness is that no one sees it but me …

Something’s wrong, Uma says. And it’s my fault, in some way. And I’m part of it, in some sense …


And it calls me to do something, this something’s wrong. It wants me to do something. And I don’t know what.

We’re floating – that’s what I think, Uma says. No – that’s what I feel. Everything’s afloat. We live in a floating world, where nothing’s real. Not even you and not even me.

I look at my husband … I look at Alan … I look at everything. And all I see is … nothingness. An unreality from which I can’t wake up.

I’ve piqued your interest, philosopher, Uma says. You think I might have unexpected depths. You think I might be an interesting philosophical … specimen. That I’m an Organisational Management damsel in philosophical distress …

I think you’ve discovered the hollow heart of Organisational Management, I say. The echoing void. Where nothing is. Where there is no heart.

Why is everything so everything? That’s what I feel sometimes. I’m bored. I’m meta-bored. I’m bored of anything that could happen.

But where does all this philosophical talk lead? Where does it take us? Nowhere. The same place as we were before.

But everything’s a little bit different, I say.

No, everything’s even more the same … that’s the problem. Everything’s just so everything. There’s just more and more of … all … this …

Philosophy will have to adjust, Uma says. You’ll have to demonstrate your impact. The way you change the world.

But we have no impact, I say. We actually have negative impact. We actually suck impact out of the world.

O.M. is actually all impact, Uma says. Nothing but impact. We’re shapers of the world. We pretty much are the world. You said it, I say.