Are we going mad, or going sane? Are we saner than we ever were, or madder, much madder than before?
Our sanity and our madness. Our sickness and our … health. Is this sickness? Is this health – the greater health? Can it be called health? Are we still alive? Are we alive?
What’s made us like this? What’s so very wrong with us?
There should be a name for the depths of this … disgust. This mental state. Someone should diagnose us. But they’d never understand. They wouldn’t understand what’s wrong with us.
Because what’s wrong with us is the entire world. That’s what ails us: the entire world. What’s wrong is everything. Is all of this.
The world’s a curse. Existence is a curse. Life is a curse. This whole thing … is a curse.
And everything good’s that happened?
Fuck all that. Fuck all the good things that happened. Fuck everything … That we didn’t want. Fuck our good health. Fuck our good attitude. Fuck … our smiles. Fuck the smiles of others upon us.
There are demons all around us. There are demons inside, God knows. We’ve been invaded by demons. We’re crowded with them, demons. Our souls are open, hollow, and to be filled with demons.
And everything is wrong with us. Nothing’s right. it’s all gone wrong, and nothing right.
And we’re idiots, perfect idiots, drinking our disgusting wine, and making our disgusting toasts. And saying these disgusting words.
Words that are scraped out of us. Scraped out of our disgusting lives.
No one’s ever hatred things this much. No one’s ever been so full of … spite. Is it spite? Is it revenge? What is it? What’s made us like this?
Everything wrong. Everything dead. Existence …
The days pass like a sickness. Hatred grows. We’re more and more … disgusted. And that’s the best thing about us. That’s what … purifies us.
We’re supposed to be disgusted. Livia wanted our disgust. The disgust was to instruct us. It was to show us something.
An … awakening. That’s what our disgust was supposed to be. It was the lesson of her Gnosticism.
World hatred should be … tastable, that’s what she said. Smellable.
Don’t prolong the agony. We don’t want anymore. We’ve had enough. We’ve lived too long.
Life is compromise, in every way. Life is corruption. Life is poison – more poison. Life is lies, and we’re tired of lies.
Where did the poison come from? When did the poisoning start?
Why couldn’t they leave the world alone? Why couldn’t they leave us alone? Why did they have to do things to us? What Devil do they serve?
In the air, the very air. Falling from the air: their poison. In the earth, the very earth. Sinking in the soil, their poison. Bubbling in the water: poison. In everything we eat, we drink: poison. In everything we breathe: poison.
And in everything we hear: lies.
The wine of truth. The true wine is disgusting wine. The true wine shows the truth about the world. That it’s a disgusting world.
We’re supposed to be appalled by the world. We’re supposed to hate it, the world. It’s supposed to complete our hatred, this wine. It’s supposed to take it to the very End. To lift us. To let us reach the Pinnacle.
And if we keep it down, this wine, what will it do to us? How will it change us? Is it like the magic potion in Asterix? Will it give us special disgust powers?
We’ll just feel disgust more intensely. It will just sharpen our disgust. Turn it into a weapon.
Disgust with everything: isn’t that the goal? Isn’t that what we should want?
World horror! World dread! At the height of the night. At the summit of our drunkenness. That’s where we want to be led. Deathwards! Endwards! Looking for apocalypse. Longing for apocalypse. For the end. For the blow to come. For the blade of the guillotine to flash down.
Longing for apocalypse. For the end. For the blow to come. The great, No more.
The great Hatred: that’s what we wanted to find. Some catastrophe great than we are. Greater than everything.
Some promise of Correction. Of Corrective. Some coming Deletion. Some liberating act of Erasure. Some Wipe Out. A wave of destruction. Greater than we are. The Truth – that will come like Truth.
Drunkenness must be steered. There needs to be a discipline to drunkenness. It has to lead somewhere. To take us somewhere.
The drunken path! The drunken ascent! Drunkenness must go hand in hand with disgust. Drinking must cultivate disgust. We have to look beyond the world – this world. The uttermost of world-disgust: that’s what we have to attain.
A disgust that will take you to the end of all things. A total … sickness with the world. That’s what we had to feel. That’s what we had to find.
The point of drinking was to push us beyond the world. To bring us before transcendence. To the empty summit. The highest point.
You know this is the thirteenth bottle, don’t you?
So what?
The thirteenth bottle is the last wine. It’s the culmination of a whole eschatology of wine. It’s the wine all the others have been leading up to. That will make all of them make sense.
We’ve been ascending a wine ladder, don’t you see?
Or descending it. We’ve been going down, down, down a spiral staircase.
There’s been a method – of sorts.
A method in our drinking?
Thirteen bottles is the end of the course of anti-poison.
Do you think?
It’s a cure. A cure in doses.
The thirteenth bottle turns lies into truth.
Is that right?
It’s the messianic wine.
Work in Progress 