Leviathan

There was an attitude she admired. A stance. Towards everything. Towards Life. Towards ourselves. Towards what we are and were.


We lived in tension with it, the world. We lived against it. We lived in opposition.

We were Sick, but so sick we were well.


This is what we’ve been prepared for. Trained for.

By Livia? Trained?

All along, she was steering us. Taking us in a certain direction. It’s like Karate Kid, or something.


She was trying to fish something out of us. To draw out something deep. To make us …

Make us what?

She saw a potential.

Fuck it, she just wanted to screw with us.

She wanted to turn us into something. Make us better.

Better what – fuck ups?

She wanted to use our fucked upness. Our maladjustment. We were trainable. And our drunkenness.

Sure – our drunkenness.

Our incipient alcoholism. There was a sweet spot between tipsiness and black out. If she could just keep us there …


This is what we’re ready for. We’ve been aimed in this direction. We’ve been prepared for this. Our instincts should kick in.

When? What instincts?


The Gnostics. Is that a good name for a book?

Call it The Idiots.

There’s a Von Trier film called that.

Call it Leviathan. Because that’s what all this is about.

Born to be Gnostic

We weren’t part of the world, that was the thing. We weren’t of it. We had no … investment in it, the world.

It wasn’t our world, that was the thing.


We were practically born Gnostic, she said. We had the Gnostic temperament. We were Gnostic Types – naturally.


We knew the rottenness. The poison. We knew the lies.


We didn’t need to be taught disgust. It only had to be awoken in us again, our disgust. To stop us getting too comfortable. That’s what the wine’s for.


Imagine it: a Gnostic philosophy department. Modules on Gnosticism. A Gnostic degree path. What a USP!

Imagine it: an MA. In Gnostic studies. A Research Centre on World-Disgust. We could supervise Gnostic PhDs. Host World-Hatred conferences …


A whole school of thought! A school of anti-thought. A school of anti-philosophy, or non-philosophy. Or not yet philosophy.


Livia saw in us what she had taken years to learn. She saw it in us: as a matter of instinct. As a reflex.

We recoiled against the world. We flinched – a flinching of our whole selves, of everything we are. We shuddered at the world – a shuddering of our whole bodies. Of all we were. We shuddered in thought – and that was our thought. That was our Gnosticism.


Oh, it wasn’t about what we wrote down. It wasn’t about our so-called research. It wasn’t about what we tried to write – our papers. Our essays. The drafts of our books. No, that wasn’t important – none of that.


Our gesture was all. Our flinching – in life! Our instinctive – rejection. Of it all. Of everything.

Our hatred! The way we recoiled – with everything we were.

The philosophy of our lives. The un-philosophy. The non-philosophy. Non-philosophy as a spiritual practice.


Livia’s task was to bring it to the university, our non-philosophy. Livia was to make it show itself. In its strength. Its extremity. And for that she needed to increase the tension. To charge up the field of forces. To work up the Kraftheld, as she called it.

That’s when we’d come into our own. Become what we were, or whatever. Achieve our full Gnosticism. Spread our gnostic wings.


But for that, Livia would have to step aside. She would have to prepare the conditions for it, our Gnosticism. Bring it up against its opposite. Charge up the polarities.

And no longer protect us, Livia! No longer stand between us and the university. No longer hold it at bay, the whole horror.


Livia herself would have to disappear, that was the thing. Livia had to give us the final push – by her disappearance. She’d make way for us. Letting us to become what we were. What we could be.

Sea Monkeys

We were Livia’s little ecosystem. Livia’s rockpool. Livia’s ant farm. Livia’s sea monkeys. We were Livia’s fleas, in her philosophical flea circus. Livia’s whimsy. Livia’s experiment. Livia’s hobby. Livia’s pocket philosophy department. Livia’s toy. Livia’s novelty. Livia’s educational initiative. Livia’s train set. And now Livia had disappeared? Now Organisational Management had taken us over? Now the Organisational Management whale swallowed us whole?

Banter

Our stupid talk. Our to and fro.

Livia was a connoisseur of our banter. It’s what she wanted to hear more than anything, our banter. It refreshed her ears, she said, our banter. Her brain! It gave her the impression of life, after all the academic … desiccation.

Accelerant

An accelerant: that’s what drink was. A lifting. An ascent, of sorts. To bring us before the sky. To open the sky. To let us cry up to the sky. And for the sky to open to us.

A roundelay of voices. Like a ceremony. Like some ritual. Taking nothing seriously, let alone ourselves. Laughing at ourselves. Laughing at everything. And even at our laughter – our laughter itself.


A doubled up laughter. That attained … what? Laughter above us. Above our condition. That soared – is that it? Magnificent? Grandly?

Paragraduates

The paragraduates don’t exist. We’re the paragraduates. Or the paragraduates are what we are. They’re us in potentia.

The paragraduates … is a name of who we were for Livia: don’t you see? The paragraduates are us, in messianic guise. Our dream. Our escape-selves. We come from as it were outside of history.

The Crack

There was an earthquake, in the night. There was a shifting of tectonic planes in the night. There’s a crack that’s appeared in the campus. Through the campus concrete. Through its rivulets. Through its walkways. Through its buildings, too. Through it all, through it all, running like truth. Deepening.

A crack … that will widen, widen, and then swallow it all up. And swallow you up. And swallow all the plans of the bad organisational managers. And make it so Organisational Management never existed. And set the whole world free again. Of their evil plans …

The Messianic Now

Only now, in this moment, was our retrieval of European philosophy important. Only now, in this nucleus of time, did it make sense. Only now was our idiotic retrieval important. Was it legible to Livia.


Did she foresee the coming of Organisational Management? The takeover of the university by Organisational Management? The transformation of what was real into the organisable and the manageable by Organisational Management?


Did she see that our idiocy was needed now, as not at any other time? Was it only now that she could take her tiger’s leap towards us?

Now – her messianic now. When our idiocy flashed up. Became salvific.


The potential of our idiocy: that’s what she saw. The way it might be used.

In her philosophy department! As disclosing the messianic mission of her philosophy department! Even in, and perhaps especially as, the inevitable failure of her philosophy department!


With us, the whole of the humanities leapt forward – into idiocy. With us, philosophy took its idiocy leap. Its stupidity plunge. It tumbled down the waterfall of stupidity. It feel like idiocy rain.


What we inherited as European philosophy. What came to us, what flashed up as European thought. In the teeth of analytic philosophy! Over and against the analytic philosophical world view, which is to say, the Organisational Management worldview.

What continental thinking could become on our island kingdom. In our island story! What it was for us! In its constellation of thinkers for us. Like toy stars stickered on a child’s bedroom ceiling.


Our idiot’s European philosophy. Our fool’s version continental thought. In our ersatz Old Europe. A continent to which we’d never been!


Timely because untimely. Relevant because irrelevant. Clear because obscure. Central because marginal.


In our obscurity. Which was clarity itself in its obscurity. In our marginality. Which was centrality because of its marginality.

We had moved to centre stage, in Livia’s mind. We had become geniuses, in Livia’s mind. Geniuses in our idiocy! We were world-saviours, in Livia’s mind. Because we could not save the world! Our moment had come, in Livia’s mind.  Because of the perfection of our uselessness. The times were in need for us. Because we were so utterly outside our times.


Our repetition of the tradition. Our making it anew. Because we could barely read it, European philosophy. Because we couldn’t understand it, European philosophy. Because we were mere apes, poring through its pages, European philosophy.


In a sense, Livia created us. In a sense, Livia uttered the words, let there be idiots. She found us. She recognised us. For what we could be. She discovered us, in our losers’ corner. At the annual British Society for European Philosophy conference.


She was receptive to us, Livia. She was open to us, Livia. She saw us. And that was her moment of messianic intervention.

Hadn’t she lived her entire life waiting for this? Didn’t it make sense of her work to date, of her academic labours, that had led her through mathematics to philosophy – and to messianic philosophy. To the philosophy of Walter Benjamin and his friends.


Wasn’t it only now – now – that she could have discerned us, Livia? Wasn’t it because of the present crisis, which Livia had also discerned? Wasn’t that how she could blast us out of the academic continuum?


Cessation: that’s what we promised. Dialectics at a standstill.

Our study – which was only the parody of study – brought all productive academic work to an end. Everything the university was trying to achieve! The business of the university. The university as business.


No, we couldn’t be accounted for. We couldn’t be explained.

We can’t be explained, not ultimately. We can’t be accounted for.


The destruction has already occurred. The Mercia Philosophy Department had already exploded philosophy. It now had to spread, that explosion. Which is to say, it had to be understood in its messianic significance.


And all of it. for laughs! None of it serious!

The idiot is humorous. The idiot is funny, whether obviously or inadvertently.


The idiot steps onto the stage at this time. At the time of the great poisoning. Of the great disabling. Of the great geoengineering. At the time of the machinations of Organisational Management in the darkness.


If it wasn’t for us there’d be dead repetition, that’s all. The dead UK repetition of European thought. In dull scholarship. In endless secondary literature. The dead hand of commentary. The andmoreagain of introductory books. Of the guide to this, of the dummy’s guide to that, of X in 90 minutes. The handbook of Y …

The hellish reality of the always the same, in the UK version of European thought. The eradication of a genuine passing on of European thought, in UK continental philosophy.

Conferences devoid of meaning. Empty and nonsensical paper giving. Publication, and so on. The stifling overflow of sameness and meaninglessness.


We’d changed the university into a forcefield. We made academia a place of polarities. We were charging things up.


It wasn’t about us as individuals. It was about our collective idiocy. The constellation of our idiocy. A group thing!

It was about what happens between us as idiocy. It’s idiocy as speech – idiotic speech. Charged-with-stupidity speech.

It was about a forcefield. A charge. There was an energy. An electricity.


Something was happening between us. We were gathering our strength, even as it seemed only that we were pooling our weakness. We were summoning our forces, as it seemed that we were dissipating our energies. We were preparing for our leap, even if for us it seemed only that we were falling.

But we needed a ringleader. We needed an impresario.

Proper Girlfriend

You don’t have to be so desperately marginal, philosopher.


You’ll couple up, philosopher. Get a proper girlfriend. It’ll happen. You’ll surprise yourself. You’ll do what other people do. Because it happens to us all, the whole settling down thing. Even to such as you.

Someone who’ll treat you properly, not like me. Someone who’ll look up to you. A fellow philosopher, maybe. You’ll meet her at a conference, or something. You’ll couple up and settle down. Just like anyone else.

You’ll have given up all idea of writing magnum opuses by then. You’ll be tired of the philosophical life.


What will she be like, philosopher? Someone you can be proud of. Someone of intellect. Of insight. Someone who Sees things, like you do. Where you don’t have to spell it out, like you do to me.

You’ll live in a philosophical bubble, won’t you? You can merge libraries. Imagine your dinner parties! See you’d get into dinner parties, too. Into entertaining …


You’ll want to lay down philosophy for a bit, philosophy. Lay down your arms. And – reproduce. You can name your children after famous philosophers. Raise them philosophically. Hothouse them. Whatever that would mean.

You’d have serious, thoughtful children, who’d say serious, impressive things. That would impress your guests at dinner parties.


That’s how it should be: philosophers should marry philosophers and raise philosophical nepo babies. Perpetuate the subject area. Pass on your philosophical lessons. You can ensure they had the education you did not.


She’d actually be interesting, that’s the thing. She’d actually intrigue you. She wouldn’t be like me, all whatever I am, all alienated and dissociated, who doesn’t belong anywhere. You wouldn’t suspect her of being a synth. And she wouldn’t suspect herself of being one either.


You can head off to conferences together – wouldn’t that be dandy? You’ll have academic philosophy friends with whom you can share philosophical gossip. Conference circuit gossip! You can plot and plan philosophically. Conspire philosophically. Discuss current affairs from a philosophical angle.


Someone who’d cook you square meals. Someone to cook for. And with.

You could read each other drafts of your work in progress. You could recommend each other books. What a marvel! A philosophical life – a proper one. Not with an ersatz type like me.


An intellectual paradise for two. Talking about things of which I’d have no idea. Intelligence meets intelligence. Intelligence multiplied by intelligence.


It’s only what you deserve, philosopher. You wouldn’t have to explain everything, like you do to me. It wouldn’t be like talking to an idiot – a proper idiot, not a philosophical one. You wouldn’t have to spell things out about mood, and so on.


You could even write things together. Present your work together at conferences. You could make believe that it even mattered.

Collaboration, philosopher. In philosophy and in life. A shared project. Living and working together. You’d have so much to talk about.

Your chance of a normal life, philosopher …


Two intellectuals. Two philosophers. Brought together! By luck! By chance! Wouldn’t you feel lucky with so much in common? Wouldn’t you be smug? Wouldn’t things just have worked out fine?


I suppose you feel more alone than ever, hanging out with me. I suppose I make you feel even more alone.


How life must suck. You must feel ever so exasperated. Having to explain so many things.


A great philosophical loneliness: that’s what your books attest to. A great cultural aloneness. A cultural cry.

Your book culture. Your film culture. Your music culture. And your arts in general culture.

That there might be others who appreciate this stuff. Who could save you from your lonely philosophical agony. Someone to whom these names mean something


What would her name be, I wonder? Another Indian type? Are there many Indian types, in your world? They’re all doing medicine, the Indians I grew up with. Some are lawyers. The lack sheep of the family became pharmacists. The very black sheep fell somehow into Organisational Management.


What is it that you want? Someone to appreciate these things with.


Your cultural treasury. Your dragon’s hoard. Your treasure on which you can curl up like Smaug.


What a relief to meet her. The test of your love life will become a distant memory. Our affairlette will be revealed in its true dimensions, as Nothing. As Squib. As Insignificance. As a bagatelle.


You could perform a real love death together, when philosophy is finally closed down.


Your Destiny, philosopher. That’s what it’ll feel like.


Just be patient. Keep your eyes open. Kee on looking. True love will find you in the end, and so on.

And in the meantime, here we are … you and I. And what does it amount to? What does it all Mean, capital M?

You and I, philosopher. For a time. But for how long? For how much longer?


We aren’t suited, not really. Anyone can see that. You wouldn’t put us together, would you? We wouldn’t meet on Hinge or on Tinder. Mutual friends wouldn’t introduce us. But then we wouldn’t have any mutual friends …

Vocation

Philosophy: how did that word fall to us? Under what circumstances could we call ourselves philosophers?

Philosophy as a name for desire, that’s all. Philosophy as a calling, that’s all. Philosophy a vocation and nothing besides. As a question.

The question of philosophy. The question as philosophy. Our question? The question that asks us. In our stupidity. In our lack. In everything that disqualifies us as philosophers.


The fact that we can do nothing else. The fact that we don’t want to do anything else. That we’ll just stand there, open-mouthed, in the clearing of philosophy. Waiting. Looking upwards. As for some alien abduction.


We hold the philosophical line – but what line? We keep the philosophical faith – but what faith? We stay at our philosophical posts – but what posts? What are we doing? What are we for? Are we awaiting orders? Waiting to be relieved?


Some alert has sounded. Some klaxon. Some warning about us.

We found our way in. To where we shouldn’t be. Not our kind.

But don’t we preserve it more strongly than anyone, philosophy. Don’t we keep its space open, philosophy? Even if our philosophy has no content at all. Even if it’s just questioning. Even if it is for nothing. Even if it’s always in vain.


An empty command, that’s what we’re heeding. A vocation that is simply a revocation of everything else.

What are we waiting for? What do we think Is going to happen? But the waiting’s the thing.

Just delusion. Just misprisions. Just befuddlement. And bewitchment. Just delusion. Just persiflage. Just error. Just mistakes, and mistakes upon mistakes. But philosophy nonetheless. The philosophical question.


There should be warnings about us. Rewards for our capture. Wanted posters. There should be bounty hunters tracking us down even now. Bloodhounds on our trail. They should be following our footprints.

We should be stopped, shouldn’t we? There should be prevention orders. keep away orders! Restraining orders! Non molestation orders! Legal warnings of all kinds. To prevent our criminal trespass! Our civil trespass! There should be security measures! Surveillance measures!


There’s something wrong with us, just as there’s something right with us. There’s something stupid about us, just as there’s a desire to be something other than stupid.

We’re of the earth, the clay, just as we’re of the spirit that hovers above the earth. We’re atheist, desperately so, just as we’re the most fervent believers. We’re philistines – terrible philistines – but don’t we love like no one else the great European culture that is out of our reach.

Philosophers entirely in lieu of philosophy. Entirely lacking anything that would make us philosophical. Philosophy minus philosophy – but still philosophy. Philosophy, hollowed out – but still retaining the desire that is nothing other than philosophy.


The philosophical hollowing. The philosophical abyss. In which nothing remains but the cry of philosophy. But the question of philosophy.


That word, philosophy. What it means to us. That word … that seemed to summon us. To call us to it. That word … which we’ve whispered to ourselves in times of desperation. That word … naming something for which we’d live and die.