Work in Progress

Livia’s wine is the truest of wines. There’s nothing truer. It shows things. We’re seeing. We’re alert. Our ears are pricked up. We’re attending to it all. The whole … show. The theatre – their demonic theatre.

In wine is truth, right in this wine.

What is it true about?

The world – the state of the world. All things that are. It’s true about the Great Poisoning. And the Great Disabling. About what’s been done to us.

About the lies, too. The wine shows us the lies. We hear the lies as lies. We taste the poison as poison. We’re disgusted by what we should be disgusted by.

We woke in disgust. We came to be in disgust.

Nothing was ever unpoisoned. It was poisoned from the start. It began in poison and continues in poison. There was no truth – not from the start. It began as lies and continues with lies. That’s our original sin.

The pinnacle of our disgust. The summit of our disgust.

We have to climb upward. There’s an … ascent. A scrabbling upwards. And isn’t that our drinking?

We’re going up. We’re not clinging to the world. We’re fleeing from it. We’re scrambling upwards.

All the poison. The poisoned air. The poisoned rain. The poisoned lakes and rivers and seas. The poisoned earth.

The thickness of the poison. The way it presses down into everything. The way it’s fill our every particle. Saturates our every atom.

The way lies fill our ears. The way we hear nothing but lies. The way we lie to ourselves.

Are we going mad, or going sane? Are we saner than we ever were, or madder, much madder than before?

Our sanity and our madness. Our sickness and our … health. Is this sickness? Is this health – the greater health? Can it be called health? Are we still alive? Are we alive?

What’s made us like this? What’s so very wrong with us?

There should be a name for the depths of this … disgust. This mental state. Someone should diagnose us. But they’d never understand. They wouldn’t understand what’s wrong with us.

Because what’s wrong with us is the entire world. That’s what ails us: the entire world. What’s wrong is everything. Is all of this.

The world’s a curse. Existence is a curse. Life is a curse. This whole thing … is a curse.  

And everything good’s that happened?

Fuck all that. Fuck all the good things that happened. Fuck everything … That we didn’t want. Fuck our good health. Fuck our good attitude. Fuck … our smiles. Fuck the smiles of others upon us.

There are demons all around us. There are demons inside, God knows. We’ve been invaded by demons. We’re crowded with them, demons. Our souls are open, hollow, and to be filled with demons.

And everything is wrong with us. Nothing’s right. it’s all gone wrong, and nothing right.

And we’re idiots, perfect idiots, drinking our disgusting wine, and making our disgusting toasts. And saying these disgusting words.

Words that are scraped out of us. Scraped out of our disgusting lives.

No one’s ever hatred things this much. No one’s ever been so full of … spite. Is it spite? Is it revenge? What is it? What’s made us like this?

Everything wrong. Everything dead. Existence …

The days pass like a sickness. Hatred grows. We’re more and more … disgusted. And that’s the best thing about us. That’s what … purifies us.

We’re supposed to be disgusted. Livia wanted our disgust. The disgust was to instruct us. It was to show us something.

An … awakening. That’s what our disgust was supposed to be. It was the lesson of her Gnosticism.

World hatred should be … tastable, that’s what she said. Smellable.

Don’t prolong the agony. We don’t want anymore. We’ve had enough. We’ve lived too long.

Life is compromise, in every way. Life is corruption. Life is poison – more poison. Life is lies, and we’re tired of lies.