Getting Worse

Do we only fuck up and fuck up and fuck up? Fuck things up, ever deeper? Is that our destiny?

We’re not at the bottom yet. There’s still further to fall.

I want someone to help us. Is there someone in charge? Anyone to complain to?

This world will not last.

We won’t last. I know that now.

Dread – I know what that means. I feel dread. Of it all.

We all do.

 

So are there parallel worlds – timelines?

There’s a true timeline and then the fake one. We’re on a fake one. Which is why we can’t help but tell lies. Every word that comes out of our mouths on the fake timeline … is a lie.

Our lives are lives too, right?

How can we make our lives true?

It’s all fucking poisoned. Everything. Our blood. Our food supply. They’ve poisoned it all.

It's getting worse. We’re just falling further. We’re getting more and more entangled. How to unlie? How to unlie all the lies?

Is there a word, a single word, that’s true?

The Word, maybe. Remember, from John’s Gospel: In the beginning was the Word.

There was no Word on this timeline.

 

What is truth, anyway? Is there an experience of truth? Does true shine out? Can you see truth, like the sun emerging when the clouds pass? Does it call out?

 

Maybe I’ll become a savant. Maybe I’ll know things, philosopher. Would that make me a Gnostic? Would I become part of your gnostic club? Would I be living the world in the opposite direction?

It could really happen. Out of sheer disgust. Disgust for myself. Actually, I don’t think I can reach that level of disgust. I’ll leave that to you. I don’t think I horrify myself enough, for all my adultery. For all our affair.