Never Hopeless Enough

This is what Livia knew was going to happen – or not happen.

Livia wanted to complete our Gnosticism, by making us pass through the failure of our apocalyptic hopes.

Because we do hope, despite everything. It’s a perverse hope – a twisted hope – but it’s still hope. The hope that’s someone’s going to stop us. Someone’s going to put an end to it – and us. That someone – God, maybe – will call time on the whole disaster.


We were never hopeless enough. Never despairing enough. We didn’t accept the endlessness.

But now – with the thirteen bottle of wine? And with what follows the thirteen bottle of wine, i.e., nothing? NOTHING – in capital letters?

Nothing is going to change. Nothing’s going to happen. The empire lasts forever. It’ll only ever be Rome AKA Babylon AKA the whole shitstem, and isn’t that the point?


We don’t want to be reconciled to this world – not this world. Still the hope that our idiocy will turn itself out and reveal itself as anything but idiocy. That disgust won’t really be disgust, but a way of savouring sweetness, and goodness. That the most disgusting wine will be the most perfect wine, from the perfect terroir. The New Jerusalem terroir, or whatever …